How do we view marriage today? Is it a whirlwind romance, a lighthearted rom-com, or a challenging, epic adventure demanding commitment and shared purpose? According to researcher and author Peter Jon Mitchell, co-author of “I … Do? Why Marriage Still Matters,” the answer reveals a significant shift in societal perception.

Mitchell identifies two dominant perspectives on marriage: the institutional view and the soulmate view. The institutional perspective, a more traditional approach, portrays marriage as a deliberate, permanent union where partners willingly commit to a shared life goal. This often involves raising children, building emotional intimacy, and establishing economic cooperation. Think of it as a long-term strategic alliance with mutual benefits and responsibilities.

In contrast, the soulmate view, now the prevailing model, emphasizes the emotional connection and romantic fulfillment at the heart of the marriage. This approach prioritizes personal compatibility and emotional intimacy above all else. While undeniably romantic, it may sometimes overlook the foundational aspects of commitment and shared purpose central to the institutional view.

Mitchell suggests that the decline in emphasis on the institutional view may be contributing to shifting views on marriage. He notes that the pragmatic considerations of shared purpose and commitment, once central to marital success, are now frequently overshadowed by the more emotionally driven expectations of a ‘perfect match.’ This shift warrants reflection on how we approach marriage and the enduring importance of shared purpose, mutual support, and commitment in building strong, lasting relationships.